The Wisdom of Forgiveness | Stoicism as a Path to Peace

The painting by Rembrandt considered one of the great masterpieces of European art, reveals an image of profound forgiveness: the Gospel account of the return of the prodigal son (read the parable).

In an article titled How Compassionate is Stoicism?, author Donald Robertson writes: “Stoicism emphasizes the virtue of exhibiting genuine love and kindness toward other human beings.”

Does Stoicism (a philosophy of “love and kindness”) include — forgiveness?

The concept of forgiveness is typically associated with spiritual traditions, specifically — Christianity. In this article, I suggest Stoicism may be the best philosophy of life to ‘actually’ practice forgiveness.

Virtue and Vice

No one knowingly does evil. — Socrates

The Stoics followed Socrates in the idea that virtue was knowledge and vice, ignorance. When people do right, it stems from virtue, and when they go wrong from ignorance and false beliefs.

In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote, “At the start of the day, tell yourself: I shall meet people who are officious, ungrateful, abusive, treacherous, malicious, and selfish. In every case, they’ve got like this because of their ignorance of good and bad.”

The passage continues with Marcus expressing that he has seen the nature of the good and bad and knows what is morally right from wrong. He understands the true nature of the wrongdoer himself and knows that he’s related to me.

None of them can harm or infect me with immorality., nor can I become angry with someone related to me. Because we were born to work together.

The fundamental tenet of Stoicism is the only truly good thing is virtue, and the only truly bad thing is vice. Robin Waterfield, an editor, and translator of Meditations explained everything else we can think of as “good” or “bad” is in fact “indifferent,” or morally neutral. However, indifferents occupy a scale of value depending on whether or not they help or hinder the path to virtue.

Although the Stoics were most likely more virtuous than most, we should not assume they were incapable of vice. The Stoics believed sages are as rare as the phoenix, a mythical bird said to have risen from the ashes (according to lore, once every 500 years).

As Seneca put it, “Consider the most populous city or nation; what a solitude would it be if none should be left there but those that could stand the test of a severe justice! We should have neither judges nor accusers; none either to grant a pardon or to ask it. More or less, we are all sinners.”

Therefore, “It is dangerous for a man too suddenly, or too easily, to believe himself,” wrote Seneca. “Let us examine, observe, and inspect our own hearts, for we ourselves are our own greatest flatterers: we should every night call ourselves to account.” Examine all our words and actions of the past day, and let nothing escape us;

Why should I fear the sight of my own errors when I can admonish and forgive myself?

If the Stoics suggest we practice self-forgiveness, does that mean we should forgive others as well?

What is forgiveness?

According to The Greater Good Science Center,

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees them from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings.

The poet and philosopher David Whyte describes forgiveness as a skill that can be cultivated. It’s a method of preserving clarity, sanity, and generosity in an individual life. If forgiveness comes through understanding, and if understanding is just a matter of time — forgiveness should begin right at the onset of any drama, suggests Whyte.

Based on the definition (letting go of negative feelings), many Stoic practices and techniques are well-suited to help us practice forgiveness in everyday life.

What is Up to Us

In the Enchiridion (or Handbook), Epictetus opens with this concise yet powerful concept, “There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power.” Within our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. On the contrary, not within our control…, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

It is relatively easy to identify that forgiveness of others is within our power. On the question of whether or not one should forgive, Seneca wrote, “It is not prudent to deny a pardon to any man, without first examining if we stand not in need of it ourselves.”

Since Stoicism is a practical philosophy (not a pen and ink one), dealing with fellow humans is part of life. For this reason, the Stoics provide many passages on dealing with difficult people.

Epictetus wrote,

Remember, that not he who gives ill language or a blow insult, but the principle which represents these things as insulting. When, therefore, anyone provokes you, be assured that it is your own opinion which provokes you.

One of my favorites is from Seneca,

Would anyone think it normal to return a kick to a mule or bite a dog?

On Anger

“There’s no emotion we ought to think harder and more clearly about than anger. Anger greets most of us every day — in our relationships, in the workplace, on the highway, on airline trips — and, often, in our political lives as well. Anger is both poisonous and popular,” according to the philosopher Martha Nussbaum.

In an article titled Beyond Anger, Nussbaum explains how great leaders have understood this struggle against anger, but none more profoundly than Nelson Mandela. He often explained that he knew anger well and struggled against the demand for vengeance. During his 27 years of imprisonment, Mandela practiced a disciplined type of meditation to avoid the anger trap. “It now seems clear that the prisoners on Robben Island had smuggled in a copy of Meditations by the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius, to give them a model of patient effort against the corrosions of anger.”

In On Anger, Seneca wrote,

Anger is not only a vice, but a vice point-blank against nature, for it divides instead of joining; and in some measure, frustrates the end of Providence in human society.

The cause of our anger is often not merely due to the setback or misfortune itself. Reflect for a moment on a situation that resulted in anger. Did your anger stem from mother nature or human nature? The Empty Boat parable from The Writings of Chuang Tzu illustrates this point:

The Empty Boat

If a man is crossing a river
And an empty boat collides with his own skiff,
Even though he be a bad-tempered man
He will not become very angry.
But if he sees a man in the boat,
He will shout at him to steer clear.
If the shout is not heard, he will shout again,
And yet again, and begin cursing.
And all because there is somebody in the boat.
Yet if the boat were empty.
He would not be shouting, and not angry.

Based on the time spent on the topic of anger, one can assume that even the Stoics were prone to it on occasion. So, let us agree that we are all prone to succumb to anger (even if it’s a mild form) at some point. How do we move from anger to embodying “love and kindness” without forgiveness?

The Discipline of Assent

The discipline of assent is concerned with granting or withholding assent in response to impressions, particularly those involving value judgments that might lead to irrational passions, such as troubling fears or desires, writes Donald Robertson.

The founders of cognitive-behavioral therapy were fond of this particular quote from Epictetus: “It’s not things that upset us but rather our opinions about them.” The quote sums up probably the most important psychological technique in Stoicism, according to Robertson. The ability to realize that value judgments shape our emotions.

Make it your study then to confront every harsh impression with the words, ‘You are but an impression, and not at all what you seem to be.’ Then test it by those rules that you possess; and first by this — the chief test of all — ‘Is it concerned with what is in our power or what is not in our power?’ And if it is concerned with what is not in our power, be ready with the answer that it is nothing to you. — Epictetus, Enchiridion, 1.5

In the prodigal son parable, the older brother provides a good example of succumbing to anger. You will easily identify that his anger stems from a strong value judgment against his brother in his words below.

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you… But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ — Luke 15:28–30

On the contrary, the father’s response closely resembles that of Marcus Aurelius in Meditations: It is human nature to love even those who trip and fall. People go wrong through ignorance, not the intent; that in a short while both you and they will be dead soon.

The Common Good

The fruit of this life is good character and acts for the common good. — Marcus Aurelius

Adopting a philosophy of life is the easy part; the challenge is living it out. The Stoics understood firsthand the nature of our fallibility. To quote Marcus Aurelius, “You are like others and often do wrong yourself. Even if abstain from some forms of wrong, all the same, you have the bent for wrongdoing….”

The Stoics define wisdom simply as knowing what is good, what is bad, and indifferent. You could also think of wisdom as the ability to know what helps us flourish in life, and what harms us.

Where would you place the practice of forgiveness — good, bad, or indifferent?

Forgiveness or the deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance seems to clearly be an act for the common good. As Marcus Aurelius put it, “What is good for the bee is good for the hive.”

I conclude that although the term forgiveness is not as prevalent in Stoicism, the practice of forgiveness runs throughout. “No school has more goodness and gentleness,” wrote Seneca, “none has more love for human beings, nor more attention to the common good.”

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