The PATH: Love (Yourself), Love (Others), and Love (Life)
sent by J.W. Bertolotti | April 11, 2022
Welcome to The PATH — A weekly reflection with three timeless insights into daily life. This week’s reflection searches for ancient lessons on the wisdom of love as a practice. Specifically, the insights of — Love (Yourself), Love (Others), and Love (Life).
1. Love (for yourself)
Do you love yourself? It’s an uncomfortable question to contemplate. The idea of loving yourself does not connect with everyone. But the question largely depends on how we think about love. The Jesuit order founder, St. Ignatius of Loyola, wisely suggested, “Love ought to manifest itself in deeds.”
What if we viewed love for ourselves as a practice (or simply being kind to ourselves)? When the philosopher Seneca was asked about his progress towards wisdom, he responded: “I have begun to be a friend to myself.”
How good of a friend are you to yourself?
What do you think about to determine if someone loves you? You likely reflect on the person’s consistent actions (and words) or simply how they treat you.
According to research on well-being, several practices are proven to enhance our well-being. Here are a few practices to help you reflect on how you’re treating yourself: proper sleep, a balanced diet, and exercise.
Again — How good of a friend are you to yourself?
As the Buddha put it, “If your compassion does not include yourself, then it is incomplete.” The same is true for love. If our love does not include ourselves, it is incomplete.
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2. Love (for others)
In the short book Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person, Alain de Botton suggests an early dinner date question should be: “And how are you mad?” According to Botton, we are all crazy in very particular ways, but the problem arises in that we are unaware in what ways we are neurotic.
Similarly, in the classic No Man is an Island, Thomas Merton wrote,
If we are to love sincerely and with simplicity, we must overcome the fear of not being loved. And this cannot be done by forcing ourselves to believe in some illusion, saying that we are loved when we are not. We must somehow strip ourselves of our greatest illusions by recognizing the many ways we are unlovable, descend into the depths of our being until we come to the fundamental reality in us, and learn to see that we are lovable after all, in spite of everything!
For this reason, love requires courage and vulnerability, wrote C.S. Lews in The Four Loves. Lewis explained, “Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.” The only sure way to keep it intact is to give it to no one. It changes when we lock our love in the casket or coffin of our selfishness. Although it will not be broken, it will become unbreakable and impenetrable.
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3. Love (for life)
How do we love life amidst the challenges and suffering that exist? Surprisingly the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche contemplated this very question. Nietzsche ultimately came to the notion of Amor Fati (translated from Latin as the love of one’s fate).
Nietzsche wrote,
My formula for greatness in a human being is Amor Fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.
The Amor Fati approach doesn’t attempt to erase the past but instead accepts what has occurred, the good and the bad, the mistaken and the wise, resulting in a perspective of unconditional love for life. The idea of not wanting things to be different is a harsh truth. As difficult as it is to accept — the past and future are outside our control. All we truly have is this moment.
The Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast says, “You think this is just another day in your life. It’s not just another day. It’s the one day that is given to you today. It’s a gift. It’s the only gift you have right now — and the only appropriate response is gratefulness.”
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Thank you for reading; I hope you found something useful. If so, please consider sharing it with others.
Each week, we send a short reflection with three insights to help you live your highest good. If you are not a subscriber to The PATH, you can sign up here to receive it right to your inbox.
Image credit: Lover of antiquity by Vladimir Makovsky (1869)
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