The PATH | Forgiveness, Connection, and Potential
sent by J.W. Bertolotti | Jun 13, 2022
Welcome to The PATH — A weekly reflection with three timeless insights into daily life.
1. Forgiveness
What comes to mind when you think of forgiveness? Is it easier to forgive yourself or to forgive others? How do you define forgiveness? The practice of forgiveness often has a variety of meanings for people.
According to The Greater Good Science Center,
“Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”
The poet and philosopher David Whyte describes forgiveness as a skill that can be cultivated. If forgiveness comes through understanding, observes Whyte, and if understanding is just a matter of time — forgiveness should begin right at the onset of any drama.
But why is practicing forgiveness so challenging? Dr. Brian Russell (author of Centering Prayer) and I discussed this question in a recent conversation. It seems figures like Marcus Aurelius and Socrates can help us answer the question.
In his Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote,
“As Plato said, every soul is deprived of truth against its will. The same holds true for justice, self-control, goodwill to others, and every similar virtue. It’s essential to constantly keep this in your mind, for it will make you more gentle to all.”
Perhaps Socrates said most succinctly, “No one knowing does evil.”
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2. Connection
How connected are you feeling to the whole of society? One of the strange things about the path to wisdom is that it leads to a deeper realization of connection. The notion of interconnectedness shows up in both spiritual and philosophical wisdom traditions.
For example, in Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote this to himself,
“A branch cut from its neighboring branch is necessarily cut away from the whole tree. In the same way, a human being severed from just one other human has dropped from the whole community. Now the branch is cut off by someone else, but a man separates himself from his neighbor by his hatred or rejection, not realizing that he has severed himself from the wider society of fellow citizens.”
Similarly, my interview with Massimo Pigliucci (author of How to Be a Stoic) revealed a central tenet of Stoicism is the notion of cosmopolitanism. Everyone and everything is in the same boat. We are dependent on each other to make it so that the boat stays afloat and its occupants thrive.
The American philosopher William James put it this way, “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”
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3. Potential
One of the heartbreaking things about humans is our tendency to settle, to place false limits on our true potential. The theologian Thomas Merton said, “The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.”
In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote this himself,
“If you find something very difficult to achieve yourself, don’t imagine it impossible — for anything possible and proper for another person can be achieved as easily by you.”
What is your actual potential? Epictetus posed this question to his students, “How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?” What would demanding the best for yourself look like in daily life?
According to Marcus Aurelius,
“All that you pray to reach at some point in the circuit of your life can be yours now — if you are generous to yourself. That is, if you leave all the past behind, entrust the future to Providence, and direct the present solely to reverence and justice.”
The curious paradox of potential is that we often view our goals or potential in relation to externals (reputation, status, recognition, etc.). But in truth, our potential rests solely in the things within our control (character, virtue, desire, etc.) one moment at a time.
To quote the philosopher, Heraclitus, “Day by day, what you do is who you become.”
Image: On Forbidden Roads by Hans Andersen Brendekilde (1880)
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Thank you for reading; I hope you found something useful. If so, please consider sharing it with others.
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